I am in love with this man, I cherish more than anything else on the planet. He has two
Children- 3 and 8, and he is one of the most loving and caring fathers I have ever seen. He got a divorce because him and his ex could not stop fighting (I鈥檓 assuming there鈥檚 more to the story that I haven't heard). Recently I鈥檝e been spending more time with his boys and we've been getting to know each other better. To me... everything feels and seems fine. His boys seem comfortable around me, the 8 yr old talks to me a lot and even engages in horse play with me, and the 3 yr. old is just the cutest; I have a lot of fun spending time with them and they seem to enjoy it as well. However my boyfriend has been depressed lately so I finally confronted him about it. He thinks that this situation is hard on his oldest and he doesn't want to hurt him anymore. He came to the conclusion that getting back with his ex wife (that he can't even hold a conversation with about who's having the boys on Saturday with out getting in a heated argument) should get back together for the sake of the boys. He can't see any other way around this and it's tearing me apart. His ex doesn't even know he feels this way. I can't ask him to choose me over his children- I never would. But I don't want to see him make himself and his family miserable and ending hurting his children worse by trying to go through with this. I would rather him break up with me and stay single for the boys- if that鈥檚 what it takes for him and his children to be happy. How do I help him see past this idea and figure out a different way to fix things?
Please!? I really do need your help!
Thank you!
My boyfriend want to get back together with his ex-wife, he thinks it's better for the kids.how do i stop him?
I hate to tell you this but no man that I have known or known of would get back together with their wife for ';the kids';. If you ask me, wait you did, he still has feelings for her. When exes argue so much that usually means that there is still bitterness over the break-up. Being bitter is an emotion. An emotion is something that ties you to that other human being.My boyfriend want to get back together with his ex-wife, he thinks it's better for the kids.how do i stop him?
The truth is that if he could not stand his ex wife he would not for a second think of getting back with her! He is just saying that so he don;t have to be honest! Just let him go!
There is nothing you can do. He obviously chose his children over you. Get over it. and get on with your OWN life.
I am sorry to say that I agree with Belinda I think he is looking for a way out of the relationship.
He does not want you, if he did he would make it work.
He doesn't want to pay child support and you can't do anything about it.
Let him go
he does have a past with them and it would be better....
honestly....(you're not going to like it) but if he CAN make it work with his ex then he should. You dotn want to be in hte way of family getting back together. Sorry
let him go!! he belongs with his family. you will find someone that wants to be with you like that...
I left my wife when my son was less than 6 and my daughter was less than a yr old - they are 16 %26amp; 11 now and they have always seemed fine when coming to visit me and when they go back home - tell him his kids will be fine so long as he continues to be involved in their lives and he will be better and happier NOT getting back with ex - after 10 yrs apart, my ex and I still argue more times than not . I almost gave in and got back together with her once because she couldn't find affordable housing - after 3 days of my stomach churning and blood pressure going thru the roof, I said I couldn't go thru with it - my health wouldn;t survive it
Tell your boyfriend, that kids are smarter than he gives them credit for and that being in a loveless marriage doesn't help when raising children. Not only that, children learn about relationships from their mother and father and to grow up in a house where 2 parents are miserable, it's not going to have the most positive effect on them.
Bottom line, staying together with the mother can just make things worse for his children.
Maybe he does want to go back to his wife and the kids are an excuse to not hurt your feelings. If not please point out to him that the kids watching fighting and carrying on all the time cause their parents don't love each other and fight all the time is really more harmful then the divorce. It screws them up and interferes in their ability to have normal happy relationships when they get older.
He's feeling guilty, and possibly depressed. That happens to divorced fathers sometimes.
But, that doesn't mean that getting back together with the ex is the solution!!! Raising the boys in a situation where Mom and Dad are constantly hostile to each other is VERY unhealthy. The best thing he can do for those boys is to show them what a normal, loving adult relationship looks like, and to work on having a civil, business-like relationship with his ex. If that takes parenting classes or family counseling, fine. But they ended the marriage for a reason, and getting back together ';for the kids'; may end up hurting them more in the long run, especially if they end up separating again in the future.
I'd tell your husband to talk to someone professionally. It sounds like he needs some help with the depression and guilt.
If his boys do not live with him, he may want to get back with her so that he can be with them all the time. My son wants back with his ex because his heart is broke about not seeing him but just x amount of time. She has been the witch of all witch's, my son does not love her or want her, but his heart is broke over his son....or lack of, should I say. These poor children are the one's who get hurt thru divorce and you know, I think the second in line is the daddy's. Sad, very sad
He's using getting back with his ex '';for his boys'; as an easy way of saying he doesn't like being without his ex. He obviously knows that divorce is hard on kids, but what's worse on kids is seeing their parents battle it out every night. He has already left her, why go back with her and confuse things again. The kids already know of you and know that dad isn't with mom anymore. I think your BF is having a hard time with the divorce for himself and not the kids. Explain to him your concerns and tell him that if he really wants to make it work with his ex and be with her forever then he should give it a shot, but if he goes back and it's worse and has to leave again, the kids aren't going to see there father in a good light, they will feel like he will leave them too. But seriously, I think he wants his ex back for himself.
Ok I know u love him and all that but....take this from ';the child'; caught up in this kind of situation.......HE WOULD NEVER BE OK KNOWING HE HELPED ALIENATE HIS CHILDREN FROM THE TRUE FAMILY THAT THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO BE IN...yes biological mother and father!
It seems like yes they are fighting everyday blah blah blah.....human beings fight but that never compares to the emotional, psychological and even social development of the innocent children involved. You are not their mother and you would never be seen as that. They love their parents regardless and would want them to be together. God made it that way!!!
Sorry....but true
Time to let go no matter how much you love him, he has already made up his mind... dont be a homewrecker.. he was already married.. it was a matter of time and you know this in the back of your mind.
I have been through this before but I was on the opposite side of the fence.
I went back to my son's father because I felt it would benefit him. I was wrong and left behind a good guy for a dysfunctional relationship.
Only time will tell with this. I know that you love him and I do feel that he is being a fool to go back to a relationship that is dysfunctional. Sometimes people fail to see that kids are better off seeing their parents apart rather than together and miserable.
Point these things out to him and ask him to weigh out the pros and cons....
Good luck.
The only thing you can do is tell him not to be miserable just because of his boys. Tell him that his children are very important but he can't be miserable with someone for the sake of his boys thats no way to live in life. If he agrees say to him that he needs to talk to his oldest son that he and his mother tried to make it work but couldn't. His eight year old will understand this when he is older, right now they don't they just want mommy and daddy to be together. He needs to work with this on his eight year old. If this doesn't work then I'm afraid you theres nothing else for you to do if this is what he wants then you cannot stop him.
He is a grown man and changing his mind is not something that you can just do he has to decide to change it. With that being said it really sounds like maybe you should backoff, not what you wanted to hear, but this is really between him and his kids. You are really just another fly in the ointment. With that said you could ask him to think about why he got a divorcee in the first place but do not whatever you do make a choice between you or the kids because it will seem that way to him if you try to stop him. As first stated you can not change his mind but you can help him think of things but that is dangerous area to tread in.
:(
Whether it's really for the kids or not... he is breaking up with you.
You just have to let him go.
I went through something like this. When you really love someone it hurts like hell. But, if you really love him, you want him to do what is right, and what makes him happy.
So, let him go.
You need to make him realize that it's not the divorce that is hard on his kids, it's the arguing with his ex over things like who gets the kids on Saturday. Kids see and hear more than you might think, but they don't always understand it. Until my ex and I started arguing about stupid sh!t, my kids were doing fine with the separation and divorce. Now that things have settled down again, things seem to be going better again.
I'm sorry to tell you, this man is going to leave you, if you don't tell him to go.It's better to tell him to go then to let him walk out on you.Sometimes in life it's better to let someone go,and if they come back latter it was meant to be.I know you're do the right thing.I'm sorry for your heart.There's someone better for you out there.It will get better in time.When you tell him to go mean it,and don't be his booty call.
It hurts but leave him alone and let him be, and find a man without any baggage. There are many nice,stable men out there who are NOT divorce with children---you just have to decide if you think you are worthy enough to be with such a good type of fellow.
Also men always go back to their baby mama's their the only women that will take them back and sleep with them no matter how bad the relationship is.
He has to forge his own way. Those are the risks of dating someone with baggage. I'm sorry, but the only thing you can do is let him know how much this hurts you, how much you think this will fail again, and say goodbye.
10-gage shotgun with a 3lb. slug.
Aim for the groin.
Their business isn't yours.
If you really love him let him go. He wants to be with his ex-wife and children.
What will happen for you is, you will open yourself up to attract someone who is worthy of the love that you have to give. Take some time to heal and avoid him at all costs. Cut yourself loose from him completely. If you can afford it, go on a trip to a place you have always wanted to go. Get rid of things that he gave you so you can get over him quickly.
You can't and shouldn't try to compete with what he wants in his family because it will only make you bitter.
Take care and bless this situation.
Are you involved in the marriage breakup? or were they split before you met? if they have been apart for a while and still do not get on then you are right, he shouldnt be trying to get back with his ex as they obviously dont get on. If you love this man as you say you do, then you should support him no matter what his choice may be. At the end of the day he must do what is best for his children and to bring them up in a family without love between the parents then the children will grow up to think that is normal, which we all know isnt.
He must really think things through before he makes his decision, as long as the children know they are loved and he makes sure he see them regular then he shouldnt need to get back with his ex they will be happy anyway.
You probably can't stop him. You probably aren't getting the whole story either. If he is considering getting back together with her he may not be clear about his true feelings for her. You can remind him that his children are just that children. He is the father and knows what is the best for them. If he and his ex-wife are fighting in front of the children than it is better for them to stay divorced. She can still be a good mother to them. He can still be a good father to them. If they are fighting in front of the children they are going to do irreversible damage to those kids. They are setting an example. Their kids are going to think that that is how a family is supposed to be. Just remind him of these things. Don't talk about your relationship. You don't want to seem self-serving. Just be supportive and talk about what is best for the kids. If the two of you are meant to be you will.
